Goodbye MH 148!

I am once again at the airport. But it is different this time round. I am not the girl with high anticipation anymore. I become the girl with a heavy hearted feeling. Bean's 10 days trip to Melbourne has finally come to an end. And it is time to say goodbye. Bean kisses me on my lips and he walks to the departure door. I am strong. I am matured. I am not suppose to shed a tear. I suppose to know how to handle the situation well. I leave the airport without a tear drop. The tram journey back home seems to be different this time. I do not have Bean to hold on to when the inertia of the tram pushes me forward. I now have to stand on my two feet to support myself. I no longer have someone who will always catch my back. Stop 18 is approaching. It is my stop. I pull the tram cord and head home. I secretly hope that when I walk into my room Bean will be soundly asleep on my bed. But as expected, my secret wish did not come true.

I walk into my room that seems to be larger than usual. The floor is clear off luggages. The laundry basket is pretty empty without his clothes. Laundry will be less of a hassle from now on. His towel is still hanging on the door. I don't feel like removing it from the hook. Heck, I even hang the towel more properly. It gives me a slight hope that he is still here with me. How silly of me?




Ten days of travelling around is pretty exhausting. I guess I shall just take a short nap till dinner time. Oh... why do I have so much space on the bed? I am suppose to get squashed to the wall screaming 'Get back to your side!!! This is my side!!!'. Guess I won't be screaming that anytime often. I fall asleep dreaming Bean is actually right beside me. The dream seems real. I can just feel him right here. I open my eyes and damnit it is really a dream. There will be no more Bean turning around and hug me to wake me up. Or telling me that I took up all the blanket last night and he left with none. Oh well... I will be seeing him soon enough. The longest will only be 8 months! I can definitely get use to this.




'Sing!! Let's go for dinner now...', I suggest. We tram down to the city to meet up with my other housemate. I seem to have an easier feeling when there are people around me. I have an urge to get home as quick as possible after dinner. Cause once again I secretly hope that when I open my house door Bean will be there. I once again walk into my 'huge' room. The room gets quieter in the night. A person less in the room makes a huge difference. My jacket is still lying on the bed. Usually Bean will be the one hanging it in the wardrobe. Or when I am tired he will be the one removing my jacket and say, 'Baby... take a rest!'



I sit down on my bed reminiscing the memories I have with Bean. At this time he will be clicking on his laptop claiming he is reading some blogs but the truth is he is reading Malaysia Today. I will be the one really reading some random blogs yet at the same time complaining that he suppose to be spending his limited time with his girlfriend instead of reading blogs! There are times he sulks when I force him to put on some lotion. He thinks that is very un-macho-ness! I am totally engross with my thoughts it seems so real it hurts. It seriously hurts. Bean is seriously not here. He is back in Malaysia. Spending ten full days with him just makes it harder to let him go. I start to break down. Screw the 'I am matured and I must learn how to handle the situation!' I can cry and still be matured okay! I am still feeling cold under the thick feather quilt. What I need is Bean's body warmth. It sets me to the comfortable temperature. It sets me to sweetness.

I miss his smell. I miss his presence. I miss him.

Come back please! Will you?