So am I screwed?

I barely even had five hours of sleep last night. When I was actually sleeping, my mind wasn't actually sleeping at all.

'Aspergillus fumigatus... gram positive... antigenic shift... bacteriophage...'

Words, words and more words from the lecture notes were circulating around in my head. My eyes wanted to rest. My body wanted to rest. But my mind said, 'NO! YOU ARE FREAKING SCREWED CHAN KIT LING! SO GO FREAKING STUDY!'

Never in my life I felt so unprepared for an exam. As nerd as it might sounds, I used to study so much that when I just glanced through the page I knew exactly what is written on that page. The word is USED TO. Yesterday I practically had to read word by word as though I have not studied the notes before. I told myself that I was screwed. I regret. I knew I slacked too much. I knew I have wasted the day before. I am sure Bean knew it too. But I was glad he was being so supportive despite the fact that he knew I did not work hard at all. He has always been supportive. Thank you! =)

I woke up pretty early this morning thinking of catching up some not much time left to look through my notes again. At one point I was so sick of reading I just put my lecture notes away. I played Tetris. But not even a minute I took back my lecture notes and started reading again. I did not even eat lunch and munched on two pieces of bread. I thought that I was so so so freaking screwed (this is an understatement because I was shit scared!) I did this to boost my confidence.



'Kit Ling... You're NOT screwed. NOT!!!'

When I showed it to my housemate guess what she said? She said, 'not YET'. I honestly found it quite funny when she said it but I just wanted to delusion myself that I won't be screwed at the end of the day.

While waiting for my friend at the train stop, I saw few of my other coursemates. They are the really hardworking ones. From a glance, you could see the difference between them and us (my housemate and I). The prepared ones and the not prepared ones. They were the ones not holding any lecture notes and chit chatting away. We were the one holding lecture notes and trying to do some last minute cramping. We chatted too. A lot. The topic was nothing else but stuff in the lecture notes.

The train ride seems shorter today. When you are so need in time, time seems to pass faster. Agree? My heart was beating so fast and hard as though it was gonna penetrate through my skin and pop out onto the ground. I was still trying to read more when I reached the exam venue but after a while I closed the lecture notes because I knew there wasn't much left I could do to save my a**.

So am I screwed?
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I am glad to say I am not screwed. But I don't think I did marvellous. I did okay.

Thank you, Bean. I always carry your words, 'You can do it!' in my mind. When you believe in me I can't give any reasons for not believing myself.

And lastly, thank you God!

3 more papers. 10 more days. 1 anxious heart.

P/S: I am a Buddhist. I pray to Guan Yin. =)